I moved into Emmaus Sheffield in September last year, after sofa surfing all over the city for the past four years.
My father originated from Jamaica and settled in Sheffield when he met my mum. She left and moved to Portugal when I was eight years old, leaving my dad to bring me and my younger sister up. I haven’t heard from my mum since.
School was not a happy time for me. I was classed as a troublemaker and was always at the bottom of the class . I could never ask for help, instead I would mess around and make the other children laugh. In reality, I could not read and write properly.
I mixed with the ‘wrong crowd’ and, following a fight at school when I was 15 years old, I was expelled with no qualifications and faced a very uncertain future. I was disruptive at home and my father struggled to cope with me, so social services worked with my family and I spent the next couple of years moving in between foster care and care homes.
It was during this part of my life that I met ‘friends’ who led me into a life of crime. I became part of a gang, initially starting with petty crimes and then stealing cars, shop lifting and street robberies. My mates would fund their drugs habits. All I wanted was nice trainers and clothes which I could never afford; this was the easiest way of getting money.
My dad never gave up on me and he tried to get me involved in working in his garage. I enjoyed working in the garage but always went back into criminal activity because it was easy money.
At the age of 19, I made the biggest mistake of my life.
My mate had planned an armed robbery and persuaded me to work with him on this easy earner. We put balaclavas on and knocked on the door of a nightclub early morning, pushing past the cleaners and fired a gun, telling them to get to the floor and keep down. The police caught me within days and I went to prison for five years, completing two years in prison and the rest of the sentence on licence. From the age of 23, I have never committed another offence.
This was over 20 years ago now, and since then I’ve had a couple of jobs in bars around Sheffield. People would pay me to do a bit of painting for cash in hand and I stayed on friends’ sofas. I put my life on hold because I was ashamed of having to tell anyone of my past. I met my ex-partner five years ago and we had a little girl together. The relationship broke down but my little girl is my pride and joy and I love spending time with her.
A year ago I was walking up the canal and saw Emmaus Sheffield, I called in on the off chance of speaking with someone to get an understanding of the charity and look for somewhere to live. I spoke to Lesley, the community leader, and told her about the armed robbery. I felt uneasy telling her about it, but she assured me Emmaus could give me a brighter future than my past and she believed I would benefit from coming to live here.
I love working as part of the team at Emmaus Sheffield. I work in the warehouse, out on the van and gardening at one of the community’s projects. I cook Jamaican Jerk chicken for everyone, and all the other companions love it. There is always a variety of work and the structure of having to get out of bed in the morning has helped me back into a normal routine.
While I was working with Emma, one of the support team staff, on my driving theory she noticed that I was struggling to read and suggested I should have an assessment with The Dyslexia Association. I was officially diagnosed with Dyslexia and this had a big impact on me. I always thought I had it, but to have it confirmed meant that I could access help when I needed it. I feel that the problems I used to have with reading and writing are no longer holding me back.
I’ve recently passed my driving theory test and I’m now having driving lessons. I’m also studying for my Level 2 Health and Social care course. Once I have passed the course, I would like to do further ones, with the aim of becoming a youth offender worker.
For the first time since I moved into Emmaus, I’m making plans for my future. Emmaus has built up my confidence, brought me out of my shell and given me a purpose in life. I love the structure of work and with help from Emmaus Sheffield, I have a chance to be the best version of myself and have a normal life.
Before I came to Emmaus I was depressed, scared and very unsure what my life would be like. My past held me back, I was ashamed of what I had done and no matter how hard I tried to bury it, every potential employer would ask for DBS checks and my past would come back to haunt me. With the help and support of staff at Emmaus Sheffield, I feel valued for the first time in my life. I have a future and I know that I will be able to support my little girl.