I’ve been at Emmaus Oxford for over two months. Before then I was at Emmaus in St Albans for around four months and I really enjoyed it there, the whole team were lovely, as they are here in Oxford.
I’m a Coventry lad and my mum lives in Coventry, so in Oxford I’m not that far from her – it’s about 45 minutes in the car. I didn’t want to live in Coventry because I did a lot of drinking and drugs in the past and was getting into all sorts of mischief. It’s not because I’m a leader or follower but it’s just that my mates are doing no differently now to what we did when we were growing up. So when you go back in, you drop right back into the scene. Living here, I’m close to my mum but not living in Coventry.
There are hostels out there but some of them are rough, I’ve been in them, but in Emmaus you’ve got a chance of a future as they provide lots of support and resources and if you have a plan, you can make a future for yourself.
Life at Emmaus Oxford
I don’t have any work days off, I’m not here to blag it and not turn up for work, I’m here to straighten myself out and they’ve given me that chance. I think Emmaus is a fantastic organisation because it gives you the opportunity to start afresh, in my case away from Coventry. I could go and live at my mum’s but then I’m getting back into the same circle of mates. With Emmaus you don’t need to have a link, all you need to do is come and be willing to give up your benefits and work; in return you get an allowance, but you get a lot more than that – you get a room, you get food, a job and make good friends. I’ve given up the cigarettes and the drugs and the drink – it will be nine weeks this Sunday. It’s also been 210 days since I had my last bet, so I’ve really turned a corner in my life. This Emmaus has really helped but it all started at St Albans who supported me to overcome my gambling addiction. While I was there my mum fell in and I needed to be closer to her in Coventry, that’s why I applied to Emmaus Oxford.
Working for Emmaus
They’ve got a fleet of vans here and there’s always lots of work collecting and delivering. It’s physical work and I’m strong so that’s the sort of work I like to do. In Emmaus they give you work according to your strengths so it’s no good me working on the shop floor behind the till, because they’re not getting the best out of me. They’re good like that at Emmaus.
Overcoming addiction
If you’ve got an addiction it’s an illness, and a lot of people don’t understand that – people will say “how can you gamble? How can you do drugs?” It’s easy to give an opinion but unless you know about it and you’re in a place that understands, it makes all the difference. The average person in a street wouldn’t see it. If you’ve got addiction, the first thing you have to do is want to change. And if you want to change, Emmaus is 100 per cent behind you. You can’t drink and do drugs here; there’s rules here which is good. My past was drink, drugs and gambling and I worked hard but played hard too. I enjoyed what I did but because I was addicted, I was selfish; everything was about me. I was in relationships for years but they just didn’t last which is understandable. I’ve lost good things in life which is down to me. You can only see this looking back – at the time you don’t really care as an addict. My ex-partner used to say “you don’t love me enough to change” and I used to say “of course I love you”, but when you look back now in recovery, you realise your addiction came before everything.
At St Albans I wanted to stop the gambling and I did this thanks to a great support worker, as well as wider support from the whole team who became my friends. Since I’ve been at Oxford, I’ve addressed the drink and drug addictions. When I came for an interview I was interviewed by Jason, my support worker, who has turned his life around by beating his addiction, so he’s living proof and inspiration for people like me, and for many others in recovery, that if you put in the hard work and you want to change, good things can come. But you have to want to change. I never did before; I talked the talk but I could never back it up, my partner used to say that I was full of promises. If you want to change, you can and the best thing is that my mum has seen it in me, which means everything to me.
I’ve lost my dad and my mum’s 73, they’d been together 58 years and those sort of relationships I idolise. He was a good man like most men who have been with their partner for years. They had five kids – of course they had the odd argument but my dad wasn’t selfish and had built up everything, he was a top geezer. The sad thing is my dad isn’t here to see me change. My dad and mum lived with me through my addictions because they’re the ones I turned to when I was in trouble and they were always there for me. My addictions took me all around England, trying to better myself and change and I would tell myself “Mick you can do this, you can get a grip of yourself”, this was happening all through my life. A lot of people tell me I should be proud, but I don’t really see it like that. I wasted a lot of time; my mum is now 73 and at the end of the day it would have been nice for my dad to see me change.
Turning a corner
Some people who are addicts don’t change; I never thought for a minute that I could crack the gambling and the drink and drugs, they went hand in hand. I want a better life now and I go to regular meetings. I get an allowance, but I don’t waste my money on addictions now – I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I don’t drink and I don’t gamble, so my money’s rolling over. Everything bodes well for me now. I’m not in that world of madness anymore and I don’t carry any weight around with me, I’m clear and I’m so happy that I’ve cracked that lifestyle because that was a part of me for 26/28 years. It’s mad that my mum and dad had to go through it with me, the highs and the lows, always thinking that I’m going to change and never changing, getting into trouble with loan sharks, serious people. I’ve always been a good guy because my mum and dad raised me with morals and respect, but when you have an addiction you become a different person. I sit here now and I’m happy in my own skin and I’m still that good person my mum and dad were proud of, I’ve still got all the morals they gave me. I see people locally smoking crack – I look back and I say a little prayer for them because I know where they’re at.
Laying the foundations for a bright future
Since coming to Oxford the team have been brilliant and so supportive. I came here with a plan to do roofing and they got me on a CSCS course. If you need any help with funding or filling out forms, they do all this for you. I did six days at the college and I passed my tests – I got 95 per cent in the first test and 50 out of 50 in the second one, so the card has come through which is a massive plus. I don’t actually need that card to do domestic roofing but it allows you to go on site, so if I apply for a job they’ll ask if I have one so I can start straight away. There is also help available from the main Emmaus hub if a course will help further career opportunities and since coming here I looked into a roofing course doing lead work, which Emmaus funded. I go to Kent in February to do the course. Without them doing that I wouldn’t be able to go on the course. I would say to anyone staying at Emmaus, If you come through the doors and you’ve got a plan and you know what you want to do with your life, they can help you. If they can see you’re no trouble and you’re working to turn your life around, they will support you all the way.
My plan is to work for a company and then look at perhaps becoming a sole trader in the future and thanks to Emmaus, this is all now achievable. Everything they do for me is fantastic. One day when I am sitting in my van and eating my sandwich, I’ll see how far I’ve come. I’ve got to give big love to Emmaus for what they do for people, helping transform people’s lives. We have to transform our own lives, but they help us do that.
If you need a shoulder to talk to or whether you need some advice and someone to sit down and listen to you, these people are real and they’re trying to help you and they listen to your story and look you in the eye and say “we can try and help you”. All of us companions are living the flip-side of whatever has brought us here, whether that be drink, drugs or gambling, but if you come through the door and you’ve got a plan, they will do everything to help you. It’s massive when you come out of addiction and someone is telling you they can help you and you’re looking at the future and thinking, I’ll have a chance to achieve my goals now, because of these people. It’s a real blessing. They’re all good people here – without their support I’d be in trouble, without them giving me the foundations, it would be a non-starter.
I don’t live in chaos now, with the help of Emmaus, every day is important to me and I have to cherish each day, I’m nearly 50 now. I’ve stayed in many different hostels over the years but Emmaus has rules and I’m pleased they do.
I’m going to be one of these people who pops back to the community to see them when I’m on my feet, working and have my own place to let them see the progress I’ve made. They want you to get on here – this isn’t the kind of place where you just stay in your room, they want to help you to work, achieve your goals and be successful and they want you to walk out the door a lot stronger than when you came in. I can’t thank them enough.