I’ve been at Emmaus for five years. Like most people who hear about Emmaus, I got lucky.
I’m a care leaver and was given my own flat when I was 18 and that didn’t go very well.
After I lost my flat, I was sofa surfing on a friend’s couch with my friend Shane who is also now at Emmaus Oxford. He was already applying to Emmaus and told me about them, so I applied too, and we both got in a few months apart.
Life before Emmaus
I was put into care when I was 16, my family life was never very good, which is unfortunately a very common story. My care years were really nice, but the issue is, once you’re 18 you have to leave: you’ve got no more funding.
In the beginning you get that twilight period where it’s wonderful and I was working at the time but then I had a mental decline from there, mainly due to chronically bad ADHD that was mismanaged. There was no-one I could go to and ask for support and my condition resulted in an inability to do even the simplest things that would benefit my day, such as going to job seekers on time. I just ended up not going and things spiraled out of control.
I was at the flat for around two years. I stopped going to my job seekers and I mentally withdrew; I didn’t talk to anyone and I didn’t clean the flat. I got into arrears with the rent, along with council tax and stuff like that, and I had to leave the flat.
Emmaus Oxford
I started off with Emmaus Oxford but my behaviour wasn’t too stellar; it was definitely the wrong time for me, so I moved to a different community. In Gloucester I met a lovely lady who held me up through everything, giving me unconditional support. She taught me that I could actually ask for help and that this was ok. It was actually because of her that I quit smoking, I’d been smoking since I was about 16. It was the first time in my life that I really started to turn things around for the better, but I was also being quite destructive and sadly our relationship ended and I left the community.
Street homelessness
I wanted to come back to Emmaus Oxford but we’d had our problems in the past because of my behaviour. I then became street homeless. Humans have an incredible ability to adapt, so for the first couple of nights, it doesn’t quite set in because you’re in a tent and there’s a veil of security around you. But then I realised that I couldn’t charge my phone. In Oxford you’re very fortunate because there are many opportunities to get food, even showers, but when it comes to what I might argue are necessities like staying in touch with people, there’s no provision for charging your phone. The idea that I couldn’t live my life how I wanted was probably worse than losing a home or warmth – I couldn’t talk to my partner past a certain time when my phone would die. I’ve never been a very fearful person, so I wasn’t too worried that I could be attacked or anything like that. I wasn’t too worried that I would get too cold, because I was out through the winter and you can always fight off the cold. I could control all those other factors to a certain degree but I had no control over communicating with people close to me: the ability to live life as a human being. I had to wait on the kindness or the goodness of others.
A turning point
Thankfully it was only for a few months and during that time when I was homeless I was constantly hunting jobs. There was a day when I cycled all the way to Abingdon and back just to talk about a job that came up, it killed me!
A spot eventually came up at Emmaus Oxford. The previous manager of Emmaus Oxford, Steve, who now runs his own charity helping men with depression, said to me: “You really have changed haven’t you?”
If it wasn’t for Emmaus Oxford I wouldn’t be alive today, and when I came back I almost wasn’t. This was a true turning point in my life because I realised, in a pretty dark moment, that if I stayed isolated in my room I was going to kill myself. I remember just walking downstairs and saying to staff “please help me”, which was a thing I’d never done before.
Mental wellbeing support
They gave me the support I needed and this included being more social and thinking about finding a hobby to give me a different focus. We settled on ice skating and I’ve been ice skating ever since. They paid for about six months of lessons: as much funding as Emmaus UK could offer. It’s keeping me mentally and physically fit and is probably the reason why I’m still around today.
An Ambassador for Emmaus
I’ve been talking to different community groups about Emmaus and homelessness which has been really rewarding. It’s important to dispel the many myths surrounding homelessness and speak from a position of experience.
When I gave a talk to a local primary school in December I was so nervous as it was the first time I’d spoken in front of a crowd, but they were all so lovely.
My main goal was to get the kids to understand that people may be homeless by their own choices, but not always through their own fault. And also that people experiencing homelessness aren’t to be feared. There was so much back and forth and the kids were asking me lots of great questions, some of which I hadn’t even conceived of.
As I walked out the children clapped and cheered. It was one of the most heartwarming moments of my life: I almost cried. It actually made me consider teaching.
Looking to the future
I’m hoping to do some more talks in the community and I’m enjoying ice-skating which is the healthiest thing for me because I’m just at the end of my mental health recuperation. I’m in that transitional period so I don’t have any educational projects going on or courses, but I’m definitely starting to look.
I’ve put my name down on the local authority housing list and I now feel ready to try again, but this time I’ve got all the tools in place because of Emmaus. Now I understand that if I mess up, I can just have a go again, and I’ve got the security of Emmaus behind me, to support me through that.
For people struggling like I was, I would say, just text or call someone close to you and just tell them you are struggling. And especially tell someone in a professional capacity as well because they will help you. Help is the first step and people don’t always realise that. Trying to do everything on you own is how people fail because you have your own strengths and weaknesses. Whereas, if you come to a place like Emmaus, you share everyone’s strengths, and their strengths cover for a lot of people’s weaknesses. So not only do your strengths get bigger but everyone’s weaknesses collectively get smaller.
