Before I moved to Emmaus Salford, I lived with my mother, who was very controlling. My life revolved around her and my two younger siblings. I raised them both since I was 15 maybe 16. I would pick them up from school, clean the house and put them to bed. With the youngest, I used to sleep on the landing because my mum didn’t want to wake up to look after him so I would sleep there so I could go to him.
Two years ago, we moved to an apartment because we lost where we were living. It was only a two-bedroom apartment for me, my mum and my two younger brothers. My brothers got a room, and my mum got a room, and I slept on the couch for two years. I was always told that the living room wasn’t my space, it was everyone’s space, so I didn’t have a place to go. If I wanted a moment to myself, I’d have to lock myself in the bathroom. That would cause the youngest one, who has autism, to go into a full meltdown because he couldn’t go in with me.
So, it kept going like that for two years. In the last six months, she [my mum] was telling me how I needed to move out. She couldn’t keep me there. I was ruining her mental health. She said if I don’t find a place, she would kick me out. It wasn’t the first time she threatened to kick me out. I didn’t hold much weight with her words, but I knew she was going to do something.
With my own depression going down the drain, I just was at a universal credit appointment bawling my eyes out. The person there suggested Emmaus Salford.
How Emmaus Salford helps
Emmaus Salford has provided me with my own space. I never got that. Even when I had my own room, people would walk in all the time. That’s part of the reason I hate my own name a bit is because I would always hear ‘Clara do this, Clara do that’*.
If I tell people don’t come into my room, they won’t come in. If I want people to come in my room, and they want to come in as well, they can sit there. It’s good just to have someone I can talk to.
I will be sad leaving Emmaus Salford because there are so many great people here, but I know I eventually need to move on to my own place and one of my hopes is that Emmaus can help me find what I would be good at, as I move forwards.
Help to progress
I have never thought about my own future. Back in high school, I thought I was going to die before I reached 18 so I never planned past 18. I wanted to kill myself every day in high school because of how bad it got.
I can look at it now and think that I have made it past that bit. I don’t actively want to kill myself anymore. It’s more passive now. Like if I got run over, I wouldn’t really care. I’ve heard it’s called passive suicidal tendencies, that you don’t actively look to kill yourself, but you don’t stop it either.
Emmaus Salford is helping with those feelings by providing that connection with people. My mum was not an affectionate person. I never got hugs, I never got kisses, I never got told I love you. Here, I have so many friends and so many people helping me out, it makes me feel emotional when I think about it.
People at Emmaus have let me cry on their shoulders. My support worker is like the mother I never had. Whenever I need someone to talk, a support worker is there, which makes it easier.
Having a routine at Emmaus
The routine is very good because it keeps me active. I’m not in bed all day, overthinking and wanting to throw my head through a window.
Emmaus Salford is giving me new stuff to learn. It’s helped me understand stock rotation and where things come from and how much it costs. I’ve worked in retail before but all I’ve known is put the stock on the shelves. Sometimes I’ve gone on the van to pick up food for the pantry and do this with a budget.
Emmaus Salford helps me budget. I used to spend a month’s worth of money from Universal Credit within two days. Because they’re helping me understand how to budget, I’ve made what I have last since I’ve moved in. Emmaus Salford is helping me learn the different ways I can do this.
Emmaus has also encouraged me to finish a book I was writing, which reflects my experiences and the people who have supported me at Emmaus.
Being at Emmaus is amazing. The charity is a friendly place. Emmaus will welcome you with open arms and make you feel welcome.
If you or someone you know is facing homelessness or is currently homeless and needs support, you can find out more about how to apply for a place at Emmaus Salford here.
*Please note this person’s name has been changed for the purposes of sharing this story.