I came to Emmaus in early November 2022, so I’ve been here nearly two years now. I’m grateful to Emmaus for all it has helped me with. They’ve helped me regain more stability in my life.
I didn’t have anywhere to go before coming to Emmaus. I had just had a spell in a mental health hospital as I had tried to take my own life. First, I was admitted to Norwich A&E then I went to the Priory Hospital in Attleborough for about a month. When I was discharged, I had nowhere to live and that’s when my sister found Emmaus.
Before I went into hospital, I was a live-in carer in Bedfordshire. I worked there for about a year and a half. I was caring for just one person and he didn’t need lots of care, so I was also employed as a gardener. I was on my own a lot in that job. I lived in a big house belonging to the family I worked for. I felt very isolated.
I’ve been doing care work since I came over from Zimbabwe in 2008. It’s the only work that I know. It can be rewarding but it’s also very draining. I had a bit of an introduction to care work when my mum passed away in Africa and my dad needed a little bit of care, so I started helping him. My dad’s family is all based in the UK, so it made it easy to move here. I am quite close to my cousins and uncles who live in Norfolk.
My mental health started to take a real turn during Covid-19 and the lockdowns. It had a profound effect on me. I overthink things and I was worrying whether I was passing things on to people. I was living on the site where I worked so I didn’t know people that well. I didn’t know what to say to them about my worries, so I learned to just grin and bear it while I was working. I think that had a big effect on my mental health.
I have tried to take my life twice. Thankfully, I didn’t actually do anything. I didn’t tell anyone at the time what I tried to do, I kept it all to myself. When I left the job, it was only then that I told the family what I had done.
Then after the second time I tried to take my life, I ended up in hospital. Thankfully my family saw what was happening and they called the police. I was living with my family at that time, with my uncle. I replay it in my mind, and I think that I tried to take my life but I’m still here. Why is that? Maybe, it’s for a time such as this, to share my story with others who are struggling.
The specialist who diagnosed me told me it was because of the isolating nature of my work that I became suicidal. I think it was that and the build-up of the care work over the years where I was taking on a lot of responsibility and a lot of people’s feelings. I remember the first time I saw someone die, I should have gone to counselling, but it was my first job, and I thought that was just part of it and I needed to get on with it.
I was at the Priory Hospital for about a month. I was feeling awful. I also had no idea where I was going to live afterwards. I’ve never really had my own home, not since I left Zimbabwe. I’m so grateful my sister found Emmaus; it brought us a lot closer together as siblings.
I had never heard of Emmaus, so I didn’t know what to expect. In my first few weeks and months, I was just finding my feet. Once I got into a routine of it, and life’s all about routine, I felt settled. You work in the day, and you’ve got a bed to sleep in at night with a roof over your head. A lot of people don’t have that, and I’m grateful I do now.
Gareth and Jo, the support team are amazing, and I have a mental health team who come and see me every couple of months. I keep replaying what’s happened to me in my mind and I always think that things must be improving for me. I feel different from when I first came here, better. I get on well with other companions and it’s really important for me to be around other people. Life isn’t all about you.
Being in the community and being around other people has helped me so much. Knowing there are other people here and that I’m not alone.
What I’d say to someone who is feeling isolated or feeling suicidal, is hang in there. Try to connect with the people who are closest to you. Tell the people who you care about that they matter.
Embarking on the Walk of Kindness
When I first heard about the Walk of Kindness, it was something I was keen to get involved in. I’ve previously done a walking safari in the Alps, and I enjoyed that a lot. I enjoy walking and it’s something I wanted to do to promote Emmaus as well. I thought if I did this and shared my story, I might be able to help other people.
It’s going to be a challenge, a big challenge. I like to push my body and see how far I can go. I want to prove that I’ve still got what it takes.
You can support Peter by sponsoring every mile he walks on the Walk of Kindness.
If you’ve been affected by anything in this story, please reach out for help or chat to someone. Find free helplines and advice here