Before Emmaus I was taking drugs, living in hostels and struggling through most days. I didn’t know what Emmaus was, but it’s completely changed who I am, for the better.
Adoption & Homelessness
I was born in Peterborough and then I was adopted, and I grew up in Norwich. In my twenties, I decided I wanted to know my birth family, and I went back to Peterborough and lived with my brother for a while. It was really good to be with him again. My brother ended up losing his flat and then we were both homeless. We got split up, my brother has kids, so he went to a family-friendly hostel, and I was put in a city centre hostel with drugs all around me. I moved hostels quite a bit and then was in a long-term hostel for about a year and a half. My drug usage got really bad at that time.
Rather than being put in a hostel together, with my brother where we could look after each other, we were isolated. For me, it took me back to the time when I was adopted, and I was split up from him. I thought, maybe this is how it’s meant to be for me, I’m meant to be alone. Luckily, I know that isn’t the case now.
Life in Hostels
The hostels were very tough, aside from the drugs, the lack of routine was awful. I went from waking up, doing stuff with my brother, cleaning and doing chores to no structure at all in the hostel. I’d wake up and get breakfast and there would be so many people saying we should go and pick up drugs, I was surrounded by it.
At one point, I spent about a week in my room because I just didn’t want to be involved. I wanted to separate myself from it. Eventually, I needed to eat and as soon as I left my room I was met with ‘Oh Kieran, where’ve you been, let’s go out, let’s do this’. Drug dealers would be in the hostel; to feed their habit they were dealing to us. It really was inescapable. I’d open my door and they’d be there, saying give this a try. It really wasn’t a good environment.
I said to my support worker at the hostel that the only way I was going to get off drugs was to leave the area and change location. She spoke to me about Emmaus and put a referral in for me. I visited Emmaus Cambridge for the interview, and I found out very quickly that I was going to move in.
Moving to Emmaus
I was at Emmaus Cambridge for three and a half years. At first, I found it so weird, but it was amazing. I felt part of something. I found myself a routine, I got up, I had breakfast, and I was having three meals a day. I learnt so much by sorting and pricing items for the shop. I loved that I gained experience in different areas, I was doing the tills, I was on the vans, in the café, I learnt all these different skills and it was brilliant.
I grew a lot while I was in that community. I learnt to drive which was a massive achievement for me. It’s something I’ve wanted to do forever but just not had the chance to. I also got a passport again at Cambridge after 7 years without one, that felt so freeing.
However, I was finding it hard to move on from Emmaus Cambridge because living in the city was going to be very expensive. Sadly, I had slowly started lying to myself about how well I was doing. I was struggling and not really opening up to the support team enough. I started taking drugs again and I ended up back in Peterborough, where I grew up, living with family. I found being in Peterborough, where I first started taking drugs, tough. It was a huge trigger, and it was very hard to stay sober. I knew too many people and had too many memories of being there. I knew at that point that I wanted to be back in an Emmaus community before things got too bad again.
Finding a Home at Emmaus Norfolk & Waveney
I applied to be at Emmaus Norfolk & Waveney because I have family in the area, and I knew it was somewhere realistically I could live by myself and get a job.
Coming to another Emmaus, here in Norfolk, it was completely different. There’s more of a relaxed atmosphere here. I love to drive, that’s my favourite thing to do, so taking companions to the Norwich shop and people to appointments is something I really enjoy. I feel very relaxed here, and it’s given me time to think about what I want to do. It’s allowed me to think further ahead, and the practical steps I need to take to get where I want to be.
At Cambridge, I’d find myself jumping before I could walk, I’d try and do things before I was ready and without thinking. Now at Emmaus Norfolk & Waveney, I feel a bit calmer and I’m able to think step by step, okay if I want this thing, what do I need to do to achieve it.
Looking Ahead with Confidence
I’m interviewing for jobs now, mostly looking at night shift work, because then I can still do childcare, and I can be flexible around my kids. Then I’d like to move out and get a flat close to my family hopefully.
When I look back, I realise now that if I hadn’t done everything I’d done in my past, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I’ve learnt to never regret anything in life. I’ve made mistakes but they’ve all helped me.
Emmaus has definitely helped me to learn that if I’ve got an issue or I’m struggling, I need to speak up about it. Rather than just bottling it, like I used to. I now share how I’m feeling and focus on how I can keep moving forward. I got my confidence back at Emmaus, when I first came, I was this little shell that didn’t speak to anyone, and then when it came to leaving Emmaus Cambridge, I was basically friends and talkative to everyone. When I think about the person I was when I first came to Emmaus, I feel like a completely different person.
To anyone coming to Emmaus, I’d say put your all into it. If you want to get better, want to be better, this is the place for it. To think I was this little person who didn’t want to speak to anybody and would hide away – now I feel can speak to anyone and be honest about how I’m feeling too. If you come into Emmaus with open arms, you can get better and you will accomplish so much here.
If you or someone you know is experiencing homelessness, get help here.
