I first joined Emmaus in the Oxford community, where I lived for approximately 11 months. During that time, I achieved so much that I didn’t think would be possible.
Before coming to Emmaus, I was living in a bedsit in Andover, where I lacked financial stability, and I was sending out various job applications – hoping I would progress from there. I was homeless on several occasions – I slept at my friend’s place and three different hotels after I graduated from university. It was tough! My future essentially depended on my degree classification and the opportunities that would arise, allowing me to find a job and a place to live. The truth is, I didn’t plan, and I left it all too late.
I studied law at the University of Exeter. It was three hard years; the course evolved from foundation to specialist law. Studying at Exeter has expanded my knowledge and understanding of different types of law, and I know now that I’d like to specialise in Family Law and be a legal advocate for families and children.
My story begins with my childhood, when I experienced physical and emotional abuse. My earliest memory of abuse was when I was six, and I would cry for help. Throughout my childhood, all I wanted was to be loved; imagine having to go through that and then trying to rebuild a new life from scratch.
I was fortunate to believe, even at a very young age, that there was more to life than what I went through. Later, things got better, and I felt free from abuse, but the trauma often makes it feel impossible to maintain an adaptable life. In some cases, you don’t know what or when something might trigger you until that very moment, and you feel like life has defeated you. Instead of elevating yourself, you feel like you’re going two steps backwards. I’ve felt suicidal on several occasions.
Emmaus Norfolk & Waveney’s Women’s Project
When I was a companion at Emmaus Oxford, I heard about Emmaus Norfolk & Waveney’s Women’s Project. It was recommended to me by my previous Community Manager. Once I read into it, I thought it was something that I needed to get my life back on track, predominantly, restoring my mental health. When I was at the Women’s Only Project, I learnt and discovered a lot about the struggles I’ve had for the past several years. I struggled with resilience and internalisation. The more I internalise, the more I overbear ‘unresolved’ feelings towards a person from scenarios that occurred in the past. Once, I finally understood what I’ve struggled with, it was easier for me to recover by joining the main community and work in the social enterprise. Within the project, I had several 121 sessions with a therapeutic facilitator and put my learnings into practice in the social enterprise. Almost straight away, things that I would have struggled with the previous week had improved immensely.
I’ve had various counselling and therapy sessions in the past, yet none of them worked because I didn’t know what I was struggling with, and I didn’t know what I wanted to get out of it. It made the recovery process difficult to achieve; it’s like going to the GP and asking for medical advice or treatment without knowing the problem. Now, I understand the real therapy begins when you put in the work. Otherwise, as one of the facilitators here at Norfolk would usually say, “nothing changes unless something changes”. I strongly advise that if you want the support to help you, you need to yearn for that support and know what you want out of it.
Experiencing Homelessness
When I was homeless, I was working full-time and earning weekly. I even worked overtime to earn more money, but it all went towards hotel bills.
It got to the point where I had to take a week off from work to find stability and better accommodation, or I’d have to quit my job. Luckily, I found a place, but I then started to struggle with my job. The effect of being mistreated by colleagues has made it hard for me to cope. As a result, I ended up being dismissed from my employment. Without the income, I struggled to pay the rent and ended up in arrears. I started applying for new jobs, but I was given a notice to vacate the property I was in. I got an appointment with the housing officer at the council, and I was told about Emmaus. It sounded so unfamiliar to start with, and I wasn’t sure about living in supported accommodation, but I didn’t have a choice, so I moved in.
Once I settled in, I realised it was a safe place. I met other companions, and I related to their stories in one way or another. For so many of us, we experienced things that affected us, and we’ve struggled to adapt back to life.
At Emmaus, you are given the opportunity to rebuild yourself. It’s not just a home, but it’s a way to give people the support they should have received a long time ago. There is a lot of stigma around homelessness. Generally, women are often very misrepresented. For a young woman like me, who has a degree, lots of people will think, ‘why is she homeless?’. Life is not that straightforward, sadly.
Skydive Fundraiser
I’m taking on a fundraising skydive at the end of this year because Emmaus has helped me so much, and I want to help others in a similar position. It was something that I’ve considered doing for some time, and I want to give back and help important projects like the Women’s Project here. So far, I’ve already raised more than half of the money for Emmaus, so I can’t back out now! Plus, I am doing the jump with another companion, Neil.
Looking into the future
I know now that resilience is not about ignoring your feelings; it’s about working through things. My mental health has improved a lot since being here.
Since being in the Women’s Project and here at Emmaus, I’ve learnt to always acknowledge my feelings and never disregard them. You are entitled to how you feel, even if others around you don’t validate them. I know now to always express how I feel in an open and honest way – you’ll always feel better afterwards. I’m sharing this because if you can express how you feel, you won’t feel that sense of disappointment in yourself that you are harbouring things or holding onto feelings – you will start to let go and feel more positive.
Now, while I’m working in the social enterprises, I focus on getting through the day and if I feel distressed during the workday I try not to let that overshadow my mood. With trauma linked to abuse I often believe people are trying to attack me, but I now try to see it in a logical way that prevents me from ruminating.
With what I’ve learnt here and put into place, I can maintain a happy and healthy lifestyle and work towards the future I’ve imagined. Additionally, taking what I’ve believed, discovered, and accomplished, I believe I can help other people, too who have experienced similar things to me.
I was young when bad things happened to me, and I wish someone had spoken up against the abuse. So, I want to do the same for others – to speak up for those who can’t speak for themselves. Being an advocate to support those who have experienced abuse may be triggering but empowering at the same time. I want to use my law degree to help people who have faced abuse.
I want to campaign and encourage people to reclaim their lives from abuse. I have been lucky not to let abuse hold me back, and I’ve learnt to empower myself, despite my experiences. There is a constitutional right: a right not to be abused and a right not to be mistreated – everyone needs to recognise they don’t deserve certain treatment.
The support you get at Emmaus is so versatile. You get the support in work experience, help with your mental health, housing, and food, all provided.
At Emmaus, you feel safe, and I feel looked after. Companions are caring, and you are never alone. I’m not the only one who has been through what I have or feels like I do. As a community, we laugh, we chat, we spend time together – it feels good to be here.
If you or someone you know is experiencing homelessness or would benefit from the support of the Women’s Project, please get in touch with us at [email protected]
Donate to Janet’s skydive fundraiser here. Please quote ‘Janet Skydive’ in the comments box when making your donation.