I was born in Morocco and had no parents – no mum, no dad. Some people pick me, and I moved to a house for children with no parents. After that, I remember from a young age, my foster parent being drunk and with problems. I went to school – well, sometimes I did and sometimes not.
In Morocco, it’s a different society and you have to survive. From 7 years old, I was living on the streets. To survive, I sold tissues to drivers in cars. I also sold chewing gum and tobacco, doing so many things just to survive. The authorities used to take me back to my foster parents but always I had problems with the foster dad. He beat me up and I ran again. From age 12 I worked in construction and in a meat factory – so many dangerous jobs. Sometimes I slept in a house, sometimes I slept outside. I saw so many things and had to run from people who wanted to attack me.
I moved from the city I was born into a bigger city, but I didn’t know anyone there. I slept in the big gardens. One time I was dreaming, the next I was being beaten, for no reason. In situations like I’ve been in, when I was younger, if you’re not being clever and survive, you die. At age 15 I moved on to Spain and went to a centre for young adults with a school. From there I went to different cities in Spain, working and trying to survive. After that, I crossed the sea from Spain to England on the big boat. I was still young, and the authorities put me in Newcastle. I then went back to Morocco but I didn’t have anywhere to go.
Surviving from a young age
Back in Morocco I managed to get a job in construction. I’d seen so many things sleeping in the streets that I wanted to start again. I felt I was a good man inside and wanted to settle somewhere, to get married and make a family. With the money I earned, I managed to get a small room to stay but it was not enough to live on and I didn’t have a level of professional qualifications.
After that, I travelled again to Spain. I got a job collecting potatoes, tomatoes and vegetables from the growing beds, under the plastic – so hot! The owner gave me and two other people a big room to stay, so I had a bed and we shared the food. From there, I went to France, again sleeping in the street.
The homeless people in Paris get moved out of the city by bus, miles and miles, to an old hospital. There you get a bed and shower from 8pm but had to wake up at 7am in the morning to leave. From that place to the city centre is so far. In the city, I tried to find a job but didn’t find a solution.
Lots of racist things happened to me in France. I didn’t have any papers, so it was hard. For me, all of my life, I’ve stayed an illegal immigrant, not just outside, but illegal in my own country, with no papers. After Paris, I go to Calais for one year, in the Jungle. In the camp I had a tent, but the authorities came in at 7am with the pepper spray in my face. Up until now I still must put eye drops in them.
Trapped in a cycle
I went to the UK in 2019 and the way I came, for the first time in my life, I thought I was going to die. I got underneath a lorry in Calais and from Dover it went on the motorway. This was after two days of no sleep, no food, so I just hung on. The lorry stopped at a gas station, so I got off, hungry, covered in dirt and very tired. The police came, gave me food, a shower, change of clothes and a place to sleep. I went to a detention centre and then the authorities permitted me to stay and let me free.
After that, I go to London to do cash in hand jobs, just to survive. I did so many jobs – kitchen porter, car wash, construction – hard jobs, twelve hours for £30. In London, just to pay rent for a room you needed £800. I was trapped in a cycle and sometimes I felt like a slave – people shouting and humiliating me. I didn’t have any other choice and told myself I needed to survive. I went to some churches for food and ate from bins. One lady spotted me once, a chef, so I told her my history and she helped me get a better job and some support.
There are bad people who take advantage, but there are also good people. I went to Birmingham and after that I went to Manchester in 2021. I feel like Manchester is a good place for me – good people. It’s not about money, you just need someone to smile in your face, talk and make you feel like a human being. I want to thank the people at Coffee 4 Craig, from the bottom of my heart. Those people were like angels to me, and they put me in contact with Emmaus.
Support and a fresh start
I joined Emmaus in 2023 and this place for me, is like a big door open for my life. It’s like my second family and I want to thank everyone here. Everything you buy at Emmaus and donate, it gives us a lot of positive things in our lives. Also, the people who come here as volunteers are very good and I want to thank them too.
Being at Emmaus helps me in so many ways. I have a doctor, support, people to talk to – you feel warm with all the people who are here. You’ve got everything you need and now I have stability and a plan. I hope to get settled, be healthy, get married and have a small family. Now, at Emmaus, it gives me that opportunity to have a positive future.
Sometimes I can’t sleep because a lot of things have happened to me in my life. Nobody knows how I feel. Sometimes I have flashbacks but always, I try to keep positive. I want to share my history, not for help or sympathy, but to try and help people be positive. I tell everyone, try to be positive in life. Most people have their documents and job opportunities, so make the most of them. This country is a very nice country with very good people. I’ve been in so many countries but never had the support I’ve had here.
My message to everyone is to keep positive and don’t give up. Everything changes, especially if you keep away from the negative. Keep positive and be thankful for what you’ve got. If you have something in your mind, just do it. Don’t be scared or worry about the past – keeping positive is the most important thing in life.
*Name changed to protect the person’s identity.