I first became homeless when I was 18. I was kicked out of my house and spent a week on the street. Being on the street was lonely, very lonely. It was the kick off point for my depression, I’d say. It’s because everyone walks past you and you don’t matter to them. It’s a horrible, horrible feeling to know you’re not important to anyone. The first night I slept in a park near my house and then I started walking away, when I realised, I didn’t have anything to deal with.
Downward spiral
There were issues at work, and when my fallback work – my forklift truck and telehandler licences – were brought into question because of a medical issue I had had since I was a kid, I felt like I had a rug pulled out from under me. My head was a mess. They let me go and I just wanted to get out of there.
After losing my job, I put my head in the sand and ignored the world. I moved from my bed to my couch and from my couch to my bed. I wasn’t in a good place. I was just spiralling further and further down. I was physically assaulted on my doorstep, so I had an issue leaving my house.
Unfortunately, we started getting behind with the bills. The person I lived with moved out and I didn’t have enough to pay the rent. Bills had racked up as well. I was in ostrich mode, by that I mean I put my head in the sand. When it’s one bill I can deal with that, but all of a sudden, it was five or six coming in at the same time. My way of dealing with this was to pretend they didn’t exist.
One day away from homelessness
My family was not an option. There was no one. I went to Citizens Advice, and they put me in contact with the homeless association, who told me about Emmaus. I walked to the Emmaus community one day away from being homeless and met a member of staff. We went through an assessment there and then.
I moved into Emmaus on 14 August 2024. At the time, Emmaus was just something to stop me from being back on the street again. Before I came to Emmaus, I was very much in my own head, I thought I had it worse than I anyone I knew, that everything was out to get me a little bit.
On my first day at the community home, I sat down to dinner with everyone. Everyone came in from work. It was a new place, with new people. My anxiety was at an all-time high and I was shaking. I had a full anxiety attack. Half an hour after dinner I was outside having a cigarette. One of the other companions came up and started chatting to me and that was the first time I had spoken to someone, who wasn’t my family or an official person like Citizens Advice, on a one-to-one level, just being friendly, in two years. Just that conversation got my nerves settled. I thought, at least I matter to someone.
Connecting with people
I spent Monday around the Emmaus community house settling in. I got talking to a few more companions. After talking to more people on a one-to-one basis, I haven’t had an anxiety attack since. There is definitely more of a connection with people at Emmaus and a community aspect behind it all. That’s how everyone works.
If you’re having a really bad day, like I do with my depression at times, I know that at Emmaus I’m not going to be frowned upon or judged harshly. There’s a lot of understanding. I now know there are people who have gone through a lot worse than I have and I’m quite lucky in a lot of ways. It puts everything in perspective. Not everyone is out to get you and there are ways we can help each other. It also broadens your horizons in the ways that you think, because there are people from all walks of life at Emmaus with all sorts of issues and problems, but we are all in the same boat. We are all working together to get back on our feet and move on with our lives and there is the support behind this to back this up as well.
My support worker has been going through all my debts and financial issues. I’ve gone from being thousands in debt to hundreds of pounds. That’s a massive difference. I’m steadily paying my debts away with a payment plan I’ve put together with the help of my support worker. I don’t have to worry about debt so much now.
Help managing my debts
I had not managed my debts before because I had issues with phone calls and being assertive. It would bring up my anxiety and I would be fearful. There were too many to do at the same time. It was too big a project. I walked into Emmaus with a big box of paperwork and my support worker went through it. We segmented everything that needed to be dealt with and things that no longer needed to be dealt with. It was one of the best things for me because it brought down the worries that I had, the anxiety.
Before moving into Emmaus, it had been a year since I had eaten a properly cooked meal. I just had bags of crisps and noodles. If I wanted something fresh, it would be a corner shop sandwich or maybe bacon, egg and sausage, if I could afford it. Now I go home and there’s a hot meal.
Emmaus helped my social ability because I wasn’t really talking to people at all before. In the past, I would have been sweating, sitting with a stiff back, with my hands on a chair and slightly shivery. Emmaus has very much eased my mind. No matter what problem I have there is always someone there who can help. If they don’t have the answer, they have advice. I know if I’m struggling with computers that I can go to another companion who knows about them. I have people in the kitchen who know how to cook that I can ask for help. I didn’t know how to use a washing machine when I came to Emmaus. Within three days I’m doing my own washing. I am now taking showers and brushing my teeth daily. Now I’ve got a set routine. I wake up. I go to work. I shave. I use mouthwash. I have never used mouthwash before. I feel myself becoming better. I really do.
Communicating with people
The last time I built myself up from being homeless, I thought I could do it on my own. I ended up stumbling through somehow, but I couldn’t really do it on my own. Coming to Emmaus, I’m learning more, going out and doing more.
For most of my life I’ve wanted to learn sign language. I feel like everyone needs to communicate with people. Especially because I’ve been in a situation where I’ve felt like I can’t communicate. Or I’ve felt I’ve not been able to with people walking past. I now want to be able to communicate with people a lot more. With sign language, even if it’s someone who cannot be heard, I can at least see the voice.
I want to say to other people, don’t be afraid to communicate and take time to listen to people trying to communicate with you. There is so much people can give you as advice. There is always someone who can help. Try to communicate as much as you can, whether that is receiving or giving. Communication is key.
If you are in need and would like to help from Emmaus, visit our Get Support page here.