I was adopted and one of the families who took me in was United States-based. I went out when I was a young one, to Texas. I came back to the UK to find my family. I went to where I was born in Colchester and searched and lived there for a little while. It wasn’t fruitful. All I wanted to know was the reason why.
I have photographic recall. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s hard because I recall a lot of things that have happened all the way through my life. It’s very accurate, like looking at a picture. It’s hard because it hurts. with photographic realism you see what has happened in the past.
There are a lot of mixed memories. It doesn’t affect my mood. My mood is fine, but it’s one of those weird and annoying things. I also have dyslexia.
School, college and university was hard. I can read and spell, but there are jumbled letters, backwards letters and blurry pages. Mathematics was brilliant, but reading, writing and spelling were hard.
It is challenging trying to find the right thing to say. Communication is hard, putting words into the right sentences, because you see it, but it might sound different, or you might say something wrong. It doesn’t come out the way you want it to.
Navigating my earlier years
Growing up was eventful to put it mildly. I ended up a computer geek and gamer. Us gamers all have the same general ideas and communicating with them was easier…Communicating with them was easier because we had a common ground, outside of that common ground communication was a challenge.
It took me a very long time to talk to people that didn’t have a common interest. Obviously being the only non-Texan speaker as well, resulted in shuns and being pushed away. Places like picking on people who are different.
I started searching for my family where I was born in Basildon. I got some information there, then I moved around a lot. I was working at this time. I was comfortable adapting. I knew what to do to blend in with the crowd. As you get older, you learn the skills to read people’s body language and understand what you can do and how you can approach people. Learning those skills helped.
I can get jobs. I know how to work at anything from warehouse to retail to working in the kitchen, working on vans, driving, computers, electronics and all sorts. When I had money, I could travel and do a lot of stuff. I could pay rent and bills and for the search. Then everything went to rock bottom. When I was at rock bottom, I did certain stuff that I wasn’t meant to, and I ended up on the streets. That’s how I heard about Emmaus Colchester.
Street homelessness
I was on the streets for the best part of two to three years. Doing that and moving around and trying to search for my family without any money coming in was hard so I ended up having to drop it to survive.
I wouldn’t wish street homelessness on my worst enemy. It rained and once you’re wet, you can’t get dry, and you can’t get warm. When you’re living in a tent you don’t know when your next meal is going to be or when you’re going to get your phone charged, when you’re going to get beaten, get things stolen from you or get kicked or punched in the night. You’re always alert, always on edge and you only get sporadic sleep. My mood was anywhere between annoyed and angry. I just had generally a bad attitude. I didn’t care.
I was at Emmaus Colchester for six months, then I got a job, got a place, got a flat, moved on and then things went wrong. I had probably been out of Emmaus for probably two years. Then I lost my job again and almost ended up back on the streets. Luckily, I knew about Emmaus Colchester, so I thought, I’m going to self-refer.
Having Emmaus to fall back on saved my life. I went from somewhere that was well paid to Emmaus, which is somewhere I could live, eat, sleep, not worry about anything and get help to get back into reality again.
I like having a schedule to follow at Emmaus. When you don’t have a routine, your mind wanders and you turn to thinking about things that aren’t good for you.
Then, I got a job up in Windsor and I worked there for a while. I was there for three years in my job, then I was let go because they were closing down the place and I ended up at Emmaus Oxford. Then I ended up in Emmaus Bolton. I wanted a change of scenery. That’s why I moved.
I help with electrics at Emmaus Bolton, I help in the the café, I help in the workshops, I help on the van, and I help in the kitchen. I like to cook, I like to play games, I like repairing stuff. I also like working on the van, seeing places I’ve never seen. It’s the variety I like at Emmaus. I can’t pinpoint one role I like best. In the roles I have, on the vans, in the shop and café, I meet people a lot.
I want to give back to Emmaus. Emmaus gave me somewhere to live, somewhere to sleep and food to eat when I needed it most.
Helping other people at Emmaus
Emmaus gives people affordable comforts that they need. If they’ve lost something or broken something or something has disappeared, they can’t buy a brand-new set of crockery, they can get a deal from in here.
People can’t always get a sofa in their car, so it’s about helping them with something they have bought from us when I’m on the delivery vans. It’s about saying, yes, we do accept donations, meeting people and being polite to people.
Being at Emmaus is rewarding. Not everyone has money and not everyone can afford to live luxuriously. People say we are all two pay checks from being homeless and that’s why places like Emmaus exists. I’m grateful because I want to help others that are less fortunate.
Everyone has a journey. It’s kindness and forgiveness and help that people need in life. I want people to accept what people are. They’re not always a bad person. They might have had trouble in the past. They might have done something that meant they’ve ended up where they are.
I want people to take away from my story that people should help other people out, listen and be kind to people and give what you can. You might be less fortunate one day and Emmaus will be there to help you. For me, Emmaus is about kindness and forgiveness and redemption.
If you would like to find out more, you can visit the Get Help page at Emmaus Bolton and get in touch.